Personal Essay Free Write

My roles:
Sister
Student
Daughter
Friend
Tenant
Volunteer
Identity Club Member
Cat Owner
Writer

I feel I could write more about the roles that I play as: student, cat owner, volunteer. My preferences may change as inspiration strikes.

My Territories:
The College of Saint Rose
My apartment
Writing
Reading for pleasure
Volunteering at St. Ann's Institute for girls
Learning musical instruments: clarinet, piano, flute
Collecting greeting cards
Writing letters the old-fashioned way

My life is an amateur musician - I can't even read music but I love it. I have taken clarinet and piano lessons. I am more skilled at the clarinet, but that's not saying much. I enjoy playing music. It mostly relaxes me but sometimes it frustrates me because I am a perfectionist.  That's why I like to emphasize the fun and not the skill part of it. I have difficulty with fine motor skills so that limits my ability and selection of instruments.  I would love to play a string instrument, however my attempts have failed outright. I have yet to take a flute lesson but plan to. I can get one good note out of it, I just don't know the name. I would hope to stop at three instruments and try to hone some craft out of it.  But who knows, I  might just get curious again...I am a serial amateur musician.

Things that changed the way I see the world:
Living with cerebral palsy has a big impact on how I see the world.
My cousin Brendan died June 20, 2009. He was 25, only four years older than me. He was the smartest person I've ever met. His death made me face the possibility of my own premature death. After his death, I promised myself I'd go skydiving.

Long-term conflicts or worries:
Long-term internal conflict, i.e. low self-esteem and chronic depression. I always worry that I won't be up to par or won't reach my goals in life.

Something that is troubling me right now:
I'm worried I'll get into another car accident.
I want to get my grad school applications in on time and well done.
I want to maintain my GPA of 3.6.
I want to not be so riddled with anxiety that I don't enjoy my senior year.
I want my dad to get surgery to correct the extra electrical connection in his heart know as Wolf-Parkinson-White syndrome.
I'm worried that I won't overcome my deficiencies enough to be independent and successful in grad school and life in general.
I'm worried that I will never be confident enough to enjoy my accomplishments.