Inspired writing: Looking back on a draft

Key aspects:

Coming out

Relationship dynamic with my dad

My dad’s homophobic tendencies

The human rights campaign projects

Harvey Milk

My aunt Linda and her role in my internal homophobia

Coming out is like a road. There is not necessarily an ending destination. It is a process that twists and turns has dead ends. Coming out is a journey that does not have a certain end.

The human rights campaign is like a road. There are many facets to it many offshoots.  Dirt roads that still need to be paved progress that has not yet been made.  There are prejudices within society that our roadblocks and detours to the human rights campaign.  HRC is like a road it needs to be adapted to the challenges it faces potholes of ignorance need to be failed.

Etymology of homophobia

I was unable to access the Oxford English dictionary for the purpose of discovering the etymology of the term. So instead I simply Googled etymology of homophobia.  The term homophobia was attributed to being coined by clinical psychologist George Weinberg   in 1971. Breaking down the term homophobia into its two parts, homo meaning same, and phobia meaning fear or aversion to. Of course, in today’s society when we say homophobia, it does not mean fear of the same as literally translated. In today’s common usage to be homophobic is to have an irrational fear of or discriminate against homosexuals.

Source: http://www.spiritus-temporis.com/homophobia/etymology.html

Internal homophobia is like a cage except you have the key in your possession and instead of setting yourself free, you swallow it. Society puts you in the cage and then for equally irrational reasons, you stay there of your own will. Internal homophobia is like a cage; it traps you and makes you feel constricted. You cannot be your true self, because you end up hating yourself for who you are.

Internal homophobia is not like a cage, it is not a physical place in which you are physically trapped, it is a psychological trap. Internal homophobia is self-imposed as a result of expectations from society. Internal homophobia is a mental hurdle, which blocks someone from self-acceptance.

Reading Response: gay rights scholarly article

Title: "Public Opinion About Lesbians and Gay Men" by Gregory M. Herek
Published in 2002

     I decided to investigate this article because someone had mentioned the difference in public perception between lesbians and gay men during the hour in class brainstorm. There were parts of this article and its findings which surprised me, while other findings struck me as sadly typical reactions towards homosexuality within society.

     The article mentions that at one time atheists and communists were deemed as a higher threat to society than gay people. The article cites the 1970's as a time when gay rights first became a mainstream cultural issue. The article refers to several different types of surveys and studies being conducted to gauge the level of homophobia or acceptance within society, specific to the role that gender plays in differing responses. The article reports that the surveys done focused on a response to human rights for gay people whereas the studies which are more scientific focused more on behavior responses viewing gay men and lesbians both as separate entities and individuals.

     The main focus of the article was the differences between heterosexual men and women in their perceptions and reactions to homosexuality. The article suggest that some of the discomfort towards homosexuality came from society's expectations of gender norms and gender conformity. This plays off the stereotypes of the feminine gay men and masculine lesbians.

     The author suggests that "attitudes toward homosexuality may reflect an individuals attitude towards his or her own sexuality" (pg. 43). This suggests that discrimination and fear among heterosexual individuals towards gay individuals is in part due to their own experience of homosexual desire or homosexual experience. (Have these people not heard of the Kinsey scale?) Some people also feel threatened because experiencing such desire goes against how they have framed themselves within their own mind interfering with their self-concept.

     I was surprised to find out that gay men are portrayed as pedophiles (pg. 46). How dumb can people get?! That's one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard...weird!

     It is interesting to note that under the category of "civil rights attitudes" people were more willing to accept the idea of civil rights for gay people in the "abstract" sense, yet they were unwilling to support it if it involved putting laws in place to protect such rights.

     In studies where information about lesbians was presented (first to a heterosexual male), they were less likely to have a negative reaction than if information about gay men was presented first.  If the latter was presented first, then the heterosexual male presented a negative attitude towards both homosexual groups.

     The article concluded (in a rather redundant manner) that female heterosexuals were more likely to hold a positive view of homosexual individuals. The studies indicated that there is a greater amount of discomfort for heterosexuals around someone of the same gender who is gay. This finding was stronger when considering heterosexual males. The largest gender gap identified by the article was that heterosexual males have a negative reaction towards gay men, where women are less likely to.

Inspired Writing - Personal Experience, Exposition, Investigation

Personal Experience:

A moment in childhood

In the Fall of 1999 at the age of 12, I remember talking to my dad about the upcoming visit of aunt Linda and her partner Karen. I always referred to Karen as "adopted aunt Karen." I remember my dad saying that the relationship between Linda and Karen was just not right. When I asked him why, he said "because it's not the way God intended." This conversation has stayed with me to this day. I understood the idea of pairing for the purposes of procreation, but what about the heterosexual couples who choose not to have children? Does that not make their union wrong also?

Easter weekend 2010

I had considered waiting. Not telling him. Letting circumstances that hod not yet come to bear do the talking for me. Like once I had a girlfriend. This would force my father's knowledge of my sexuality. However, I could not wait for that day some point in the future. It felt all too secretive. I have to confess with no tangible evidence. My dad was standing at the grill in the backyard. I took a deep breath and walked out onto the deck to talk to him. I sat on the steps. Occupied with the hamburgers on the grill, his back was towards me. "Dad," I said, "I have something to tell you. I'm gay." After only a moment's pause he said, "okay" and that was it. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it, or had questions and he said no. My mother and sister had for a long time been aware. I hoped that telling my father would free me from feeling stifled in my own home. His reaction wasn't bad, yet it wasn't the reaction I had oped for either. I received no sentiment to suggest he loved me as I am, no matter what, Yet that is in fact what I wanted to hear. His reaction was much more matter of fact. To me, it almost felt like a non-reaction. He acted as if I had told him I wanted cheese on my hamburger. My family ate dinner that night in relative silence. I did not breathe a sigh of relief I was hoping for.

Exposition

Consider internalized homophobia. It is of course counter intuitive to self acceptance. It is due in part to a desire to fit in and be accepted by a predominately heterosexual society. I would like to say that I have always been confident in each aspect of my identity but awareness does not equal confidence and to be insecure is to be human. For me, there was a certain amount of self-denial that overrode any hint of self-awareness peeking through. I have always felt that in every group to which I belong I exist on the fringes. Having a disability meant overcoming taboos and preconceived notions there were times when I did not want to face my sexuality because I did not want to face the idea of being part of another minority because that would mean having to face another set of preconceived notion and taboos.

Investigation

Brainstorm terms

Hetero normative
Queer theory
Internal homophobia
LGBTQ
Camp and kitch
Human Rights Campaign

Inspired Writing: Outside the Box!

The Human Rights Campaign and my story:

• The Human Rights Campaign is pursuing equal rights for LGBTQ individuals.
• The Human Rights Campaign goes beyond politics because while same sex marriage has become a hot button issue in politics, the HRC's main goal is equal rights that apply to many areas of life and not just marriage.
• I do not want my essay to become overly political; to a certain extent, politics cannot be ignored but they are not at the core of what I want to write about.
• Note the recent suicides of gay teens
• I may tell my own coming out story (nothing particularly dramatic there)
• Andrew Shirvell, assistant attorney general, has infamously created a blog essentially cyber bullying Michigan State student body President Christopher Armstrong. Shirvell is attacking Armstrong simply because of his sexual preference.
• Note the homophobic rhetoric and it's alarming prevalence for this age
• If LGBT individuals are granted equal rights, heterosexuals lose nothing yet some right wing politicians portray such equal rights as a threat to their own rights

People who neglect to live life to the fullest:
(I am beginning to think that this topic is far too subjective to be successful, but here we go!)

• Addressing the apathy of our society
• Convincing people to not take life for granted
• Realizing that tomorrow is not a guarantee
• Going out and doing something (legal) that you have always wanted to do
• Not taking individuals for granted
• I realize that the idea of living life to the fullest means different things to different people
• However, most people go about life assuming that there will always be another tomorrow and do not realize how much they whom or what they have until it is gone
• I came up with the idea for this topic stemming from my desire to live life to the fullest after the death of my brilliant twenty five year old cousin from a congenital heart defect. One of the things I promised myself was that I would go skydiving (I am planning to this May after graduation).
• What's on your to do list, of all to do lists?
• Most often, do people have their priorities straight? Doubtful....
• To me life is about recognizing what is precious in our daily lives
• Life is about balancing responsibilities with pleasure
• Life is about going for it when people say you can't succeed
• Do we not learn as much from our successes as we do from our failures?

Dear fellow bloggers,
     Please let me know what you think about this category, because honestly, its beginning to feel way too existential, as if its headed towards the direction of quantum physics, which in terms of my essay, would be the point of no return.

Sincerely,
H.D.

Letter Writing: the loss of the personal in favor of the technological:

• Letter writing is a lost art
• More familiar to our grandparents
• Exceedingly rare among this generation
• Nearly extinct by the advent of e-mail and texting
• In defence of letter writing, e-mail and texting are more susceptible to miscommunication than that of a letter
• Writing a letter, particularly hand written, requires more thought than e-mail, etc.
• When is the last time you wrote or received a hand-written letter?
• No, birthday cards don't count
• What is happening to thoughtful human connection?

Reflections on "An Orgy of Power" by George Gessert

     Gessert begins his essay admitting that he is not an authority on torture. However, his extensive research on torture and the undeniable gruesome evidence he provides lends strength to his voice in this essay.  Regardless of one's political leanings, the evidence of torture in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan along with the evidence that the Bush administration knew about it and condoned it, is overwhelming. The administration downplayed the evidence of torture, trying their best to soften it bay calling it "abuse." Gessert points out "we do not ordinarily call homicide abuse." (Pg. 312) There is no denying the torture memo of August 1, 2002.

     Due to the compelling argument of the author, I found it difficult to read this essay. Though he may at first seem biased against the Bush administration, the evidence of torture that he cites is so massive that the pointing of fingers no longer seems political. To me, the fact that the administration knew about these horrific atrocities leads me to believe that someone should be brought up on war crimes. I am not certain who, but there are people out there that should be held responsible. When does it become acceptable to negate the Geneva Convention simply because the prisoners of war are viewed as our enemy? When tortured, they become victims. Seemingly no one stood up for our human decency. Especially when prisoners were tortured in the name of "stress relief." Acts of this kind should have been prevented. Has anyone heard of a psychologist? There are other ways to work out aggression and anger and stress!

     Gessert points out that humans are the only living creature to implement torture: "Lions and hyenas kill swiftly. House cats play with their victims, but only to practice pouncing, not to cause pain." (Pg. 310) He wanted to believe that torture was done by a few people and not swept under the rug by the American government, but ultimately concludes that, "I realized that I did not know my degrees of separation from the tortured, or from torturers." (Pg 316) Gessert sites expert Jean Amery's opinion of torture within the human psyche, "the source of torture is our own innate drive for unchecked self expansion. If this is true, the possibility of torture will always be within us." (Pg. 320)

     Gessert begins the conclusion of his essay with a summary of his findings as it relates to human behavior: "the overwhelming lesson of history and of daily life is that human beings are capable of beautiful behavior and terrible behavior, individually and collectively." (Pg. 320) Gessert also notes that our government was structured to try and prevent such atrocities from happening and that the more partisan we become, the greater the danger of unchecked power.

Reflections on "The Lesbian Bride's Handbook" by Ariel Levy

     In her essay "The Lesbian Bride's Handbook," Ariel Levy recounts her anxieties about planning her wedding and her feelings about marriage, given the fact that "it didn't describe a legal option"(Pg. 198) for her or her partner Amy. Levy comments on the politics of gay marriage through the personal. Levy humorously observes that the only time all your loved ones are in one place apart from your wedding is your funeral. Throughout the essay she has mixed emotions about the wedding due in large part to the lack of acceptance by society. Her anxiety about this shows through when she writes, "everyone I knew and loved would be joining me for this hell of my own making, this festival of gayness and commitment." (Pg. 198) Levy puts a lot of pressure on herself for everything to be perfect as she plans her party about love; her partner reacts in a different way, "While I obsessed about how lame it was to seek public acceptance, to crave ritual, and grew queasy at the mention of marriage, Amy was excited." (Pg. 200)

     When she stumbles upon the perfect dress, she remarks about how important it is that one's wedding dress be memorable, yet she is able to stop obsessing when she finds what she's looking for; "A dress that would flash before your eyes on your deathbed and in your dreams. I could no longer thing about being cool or being mortified or being heteronormative. I could no longer think." (Pg. 201) Finding the perfect dress for her not only assuages fears and put another piece of the planning puzzle together, it was something she thought Amy's mother would approve of. The approval of Amy's mother is at the very heart of this essay because although it would be nice, she didn't need approval from society. Levy admits caring what other people think just as Amy's mother does. "It was my secret wish that she would look at it and see our lives sparkle instead of shame. It was my secret wish that if my party about love was as flawless as the gowns in that store, it would subsume the humiliation of its own existence...subsume the horror of my homosexuality." (Page 202) Amy's mother begrudgingly comes to tolerate but not quite accept her daughter's homosexuality while Ariel's parents seem more accepting of her sexuality than of the need for anyone to have the wedding. Levy closes the essay by saying, "when conservatives discuss the perils of gay marriage, they fail to mention its most pernicious consequence: Gay marriage, like all marriage is extremely fattening." (Pg. 203) She makes this comic remark about marriages in general, heterosexual, or not, pointing out that marriage consists of the same challenges regardless of the gender pairing.

Reflections on "Lifelike" by Susan Orlean

In her essay "Lifelike" Orlean writes about her experience attending the 2003 taxidermy championships. She enters the subculture as an outsider, observing all of the gadgets and techniques that are the latest and greatest in the world of taxidermy. She refers to taxidermy as "the questionable enterprise of making dead things look like live things." (Pg. 244)

Orlean chronicles the history of taxidermy noting that this particular craft was popularized by the Victorians who seemed to appreciate, "any domestic representation of wilderness." (Pg. 243) She also tracks the history of the subculture of taxidermy evolving from pub meetings in 1882 to a comprehensive convention in 2003. Modern technology allows fellow taxidermists to communicate and exchange information like never before. The blogosphere can be credited with helping with the exchange of information , even allowing for conduction of business and self promotion. "I have a very nice small raccoon that's frozen whole. I forgot he was in the freezer...very cute little one." (Pg. 246) Orlean explains how taxidermists must know quite a bit about zoology, stating that every taxidermist "knows the particular creature literally and figuratively inside and out." (Pg. 245) Orlean notes that taxidermists have a passion for their craft and do love animals, "Taxidermists seem to make little distinction between loving animals that are alive and loving ones that are not." (Pg. 245) As taxidermy techniques have progressed, and become more advanced, the creatures become more lifelike than their earlier lumpy, expressionless counterparts as "the ultimate goal of taxidermists is to make the animal look as if it never had died." (Pg. 247)

There is a camaraderie and competitive nature among the members of the taxidermy convention. They want to hone their craft and put their best work before their peers. It is at this convention that their work will gain the greatest amount of notoriety and appreciation. The taxidermists even goes so far as to recreate an endangered or extinct species such as the panda. It is clear that the taxidermist takes their work very seriously. This is especially evident by the grooming station. Reading about the grooming station reminds me of something one might find at a dog show. Personally I have always been a little creeped out by taxidermy, especially birds. Orlean does not interject her opinion of taxidermy but rather presents the trade show as it comes to her. She takes a subculture that might be considered odd by some and shows the passion behind it. At the conclusion of her essay, Orlean walks through the convention hall taking note of the assorted menagerie before her, now understanding the great deal of skill that it took to instill life in the lifeless, "the stillborn Bengal tiger cub magically revived, its face in an eternal snarl, alive-looking although it never had lived." (Pg. 251)